It's just one of those times where I feel I have so much I want to say and share but actually cant come up with words... simply coz am not sure what's really going on inside... I dont know if am happy or sad...things are moving in their normal routine... there is no trouble in the air, but something feels empty and it suffocates me.
I've been hurt over and over and over; for some reason these memories are all hitting me...is there something I'm missing? Today a relative called me to tell me I have a heart of stone... coz I'm not keeping in touch with a man who hurt me...coz i dont ask about him though he needs it and I wonder... why does it always have to be me to put in all the effort? why? what makes it a rule that i have to be the giver all the time...when do i get to take?! Why is it that people around me look at me with judgement once i start to give myself priority? is there a universal law that states that some people were created to be walked all over? or do i allow people to do so coz I care?....when does it ever stop?....i dont know....and I cant give my life any more labels.. I've simply run out of vocabulary.
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"why does it always have to be me to put in all the effort?" I was asking myself this question 2 days ago frustrated at the fact that I'm the one who is always expected to take initiative.
ReplyDeleteWhy the hell don't the other people do that??
I guess it's because we have always cared..always been initiators that now it's expected of us and if we try to act like everyone else we're considered to have a heart of stone!!
Screw them all:)
Just for the record... everybody feels and thinks the same. Everybody thinks they are giving too much and getting nothing in return. Regardless of whether you really are the person always giving and never taking... you have to know that the other side or person thinks that he/she too gives and never gets back. SO i guess its a very relative matter. Relative to each person.
ReplyDeleteAlso just for the record... i know its weird coming from me.. but sometimes we are expected to give with no return to very specific people... namely parents, our children and siblings. Parents more than siblings since some siblings can be bastards when they grow up... But i think maybe parents have the right to walk all over us and hit us against the wall and we should be able at some point or another to accept it. This is how we are supposed to treat them... with respect and love no matter what they do! I know... Really Hards sometimes... but someones gotta do it!! :)))