I used to be a melody, now I'm just a sigh...
for the tune was truly muted and the silence was turned up high....
as it's a song u cant sing, in a karaoke you'll never win...
so don’t surrender to its mesmerizing hum, or your heart will end up broken..
like a torn up army drum.
I opened my mouth in trial… in hope to utter a sound,
to an audience that is cynical, and a love that crushed me to ground.
It's time to quit the show business...time to leave the band …
time to finally admit, that on stage I failed to stand.
My heart just wont stop stomping, against life's icy stare...
its pounds as loud as thunder; my breath as thin as air.
My dreams then start rolling, in a shade of bloody red,
My songs all start colliding, with the echoes inside my head.
My body starts to quiver, as I step down from the stage
I clear my throat in tension, as my eyes cloud up with rage.
I hear whispers hissing in judgment, as I walk towards the door,
I curse the faith in the melody, my heart has grown to adore…
The melody that once pushed me, to love life in every form.
The melody that gave me serenity…and calmed me in every storm.
The melody that made me stronger and my fears it bravely shoved,
The melody of peace and safety, I found in the eyes of a beloved.
I step outside and wonder, if I'll ever hear its call,
The call of love and the music, of angels standing tall…
I close my eyes and wander; to the places its tune once took me
Running among the gardens and sailing in the sea…
I open my eyes again, to bid my melody a last farewell,
For my faith in its honesty, has blinded me with its spell.
I sigh and start walking… now with a bleeding scar
Behind me I hear its memory, fading as I grow far
Long gone is the prayer, to which my melody was once bound
I shall soon plan the funeral, of that melody with no sound.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
No title found
It's just one of those times where I feel I have so much I want to say and share but actually cant come up with words... simply coz am not sure what's really going on inside... I dont know if am happy or sad...things are moving in their normal routine... there is no trouble in the air, but something feels empty and it suffocates me.
I've been hurt over and over and over; for some reason these memories are all hitting me...is there something I'm missing? Today a relative called me to tell me I have a heart of stone... coz I'm not keeping in touch with a man who hurt me...coz i dont ask about him though he needs it and I wonder... why does it always have to be me to put in all the effort? why? what makes it a rule that i have to be the giver all the time...when do i get to take?! Why is it that people around me look at me with judgement once i start to give myself priority? is there a universal law that states that some people were created to be walked all over? or do i allow people to do so coz I care?....when does it ever stop?....i dont know....and I cant give my life any more labels.. I've simply run out of vocabulary.
I've been hurt over and over and over; for some reason these memories are all hitting me...is there something I'm missing? Today a relative called me to tell me I have a heart of stone... coz I'm not keeping in touch with a man who hurt me...coz i dont ask about him though he needs it and I wonder... why does it always have to be me to put in all the effort? why? what makes it a rule that i have to be the giver all the time...when do i get to take?! Why is it that people around me look at me with judgement once i start to give myself priority? is there a universal law that states that some people were created to be walked all over? or do i allow people to do so coz I care?....when does it ever stop?....i dont know....and I cant give my life any more labels.. I've simply run out of vocabulary.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Passionelle Chocolate Shock - Tale of a stolen prestige!
Most of you might have heard over the past month about the big chocolate event coming to Cairo for the first time and like many others, i looked forward to it especially after winning "special" invitations from Nile FM where I was told that I have walked away with 5 "free" invitations to Cairo's premiere Salon du Chocolat. I simply couldn't miss the event and although my whole family was out of town at the time I did all that it takes to manage to come back on the final day of the event to catch anything remaining of it. I gave away 3 invitations and kept 2, insisting to take my mother with me to this so called "amazing" event.
Once we arrived, the first shock was when I was told that i cant enter only with these invitations unless i register...so I went for registration only to be told that I have to pay 50 LE per invitation! So i wondered how were these invitations announced as a prize in the first place and what made my attendance special???! Yet, I was embarrassed, especially that I had my mom with me and I really wanted her to attend this event with me as we haven't spent much time together lately... so I didnt create a scene and just paid the full ticket as requested.
We walked in, found no place to sit and nothing special was going on… the rumor about shows being performed every hour was proved to be a marketing myth, and all we found were heavy investments in booths erected by chocolate companies and the only special thing that attracted my attention was the chefs making chocolate statues...yet still nothing worth 100 pounds of tickets.
Anyway, while we were roaming around, "Passionelle" made a public announcement about a special draw to an all paid for trip to Paris...so my mom and I thought why not..let's give it a shot... we went to Passionelle's booth and were greeted by a grumpy pair of Ushers...yet I've done this job too when I was still studying in college and I understand how stressful it can get...so I blamed it on pressure rather than the famous chocolate company's sloppy choice of personnel... to continue, the company announced the first prize to be the Paris trip and the draw was going to continue for 50 other special prizes from Passionelle. There were only 2 coupons remaining with the Ushers and my mom took one of them.
After mom filled out her application, we heard another announcement stating that they will be announcing the winners in a while and directing all the participants to stay seated in a certain ball room where the draw will take place. So we went there and waited, but I realized I was running out of time and had to pick up my daughter from the nursery, so i told mom that I will just run to collect Lamar and she can wait for me to come back while the announcements are being made...she agreed and so I left to pick up my baby and return in a while.
I didnt stay away for long, but when I arrived, I was shocked to find my mother in tears and a couple of the people trying to calm her down and soothe her! and upon asking my mother what happened, she said she was holding receipt no “000596” and during the announcement of the winners her name was called out in the microphone in front of everybody as one of the lucky 50 who won one of “Passionelle’s” 50 special prizes. After the public announcement was made and she was being interviewed by a journalist named “Rania” who was covering the event, and a gentleman named “Ahmed” approached her saying that a certain Ms. “Nashwa” is asking her for the white receipt she was holding. On her part, thinking that this was part of the prize handling procedures, she simply handed over the receipt as requested, finished her interview and even posed for the winner’s group picture as instructed while being congratulated by the booth representative who gave her the application form and another reporter from a fashion magazine called “Easy Life”. Then when it was time to collect her gift, she lined up with the other winners also as instructed only to notice that Ms. Nashwa was lagging in her prize handing over along with a number of other “lucky” winners who were also receiving similar treatment, so she asked this Ms. Nashwa if they will be staying around for long as she has a problem with her leg and cant stand for long periods of time only to be amazed by her reply. She looked her in the eye and I shall quote her exact words….. she said, “ You will come and tell me that you lost your receipt and I will tell you that is not my problem and you cant collect a gift because you lost your receipt”, So she explained to her that this was not true, and tried to remind her of what happened, she ignored her again, so mom called the Mr. Ahmed who came around earlier to take away her receipt and he confirmed her narration, only to find her denying it and saying, “She told me she lost her receipt” !!!! Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine to encounter a similar situation and up to this point, deep down mom believed there was some sort of joke being played, so she went to Passionelle's General Manager, a guy called "Akram" to explain to him what happened and on his part,he directed Ms. Nashwa to give her a prize, and she nodded in acceptance and when he left, Ms. Nashwa turned to mom and said “I will not give you anything”! At that point, mom didn’t care about the prize as this was turning into a situation where an insulted needed to be addressed, so she walked up to the head of the organizing team who called out to a group from “Passionelle” asking them to give her a “complimentary” gift similar to the ones handed over to the 2 girls from the audience who were picked to announce the winners. Meanwhile, mom approached Ms. Nashwa and politely told her it’s not about the prize but she wanted to understand what happened as she knows she took her receipt, again only to have a jaw dropping response, she looked her in the eye and whispered, “You can continue to BARK around as much as you want, nobody will reply to you.”!!!!!!!!!! and walked away while one of passionelle's employees came around to hand my mother the “complimentary” gift. At that moment mom was stunned and speechless as she STILL couldn’t believe what she had just encountered and broke down into tears from humiliation and disbelief! So she gathered whatever was remaining from her dignity and walked up to Passionelle's booth to return the so called “complimentary” gift and told me later that she was greeted by a very polite and well bred young man who told her he was Mr. Akram's son and an organizer named “Hend” who kept trying to soothe her and apologize for what had happened, and that is the scene I walked into. Yet mom just couldn’t calm down after how she was treated and after the humiliating finale to her conversation with Ms. Nashwa.
When the story was narrated to me, I couldn’t believe what I heard and I was stunned by her attitude and her choice of vocabulary, wondering if a company as elite as passionelle can invest this much in erecting a booth at a supposedly international elegant chocolate event, yet would fail to invest the same in the type of caliber it employs to greet the visitors of such an event?! In addition, I know that just by announcing a winner's name in public was enough to prove his identity even if he/she had no receipt, so what happened afterwards is legally a violation! Yet my issue is not the prize, we have returned the complimentary gift they have offered my mom because we don’t need it! The reason I decided to put pen to paper and write this note is because of my disbelief that a strong principle was ruthlessly breached! How does a company's representative have the nerve to speak to someone this way, or act upon her own agenda even after her manager gives her clear instructions? And how was it that easy for her to steal from someone then insult her and walk away unless she knows she can get away with it?! Where is the supervision and the control...I will not even start to wonder what happened to public manners or etiquette or if her superiors keep her on their payroll even though they may be aware of her actions! We have contacted the General Manager and requested a formal apology and I was not surprised when that too was ignored. Yet, I decided I will not let the situation pass without action.
I keep wondering, what makes an international elite event that was known to be successful in every corner of the world turn into a huge disappointment on its first occurrence in Egypt? Who is to blame? the organizers? The representatives? Management? or should I blame our deteriorating value system? This is sad...very very sad, that it has become a trend that we turn gold into sand simply because we have lost our values, ethics, self control and last but not least we are allowed to get away with it.
I may not be able to do much legally from where I stand in this country but I don’t agree to leave my mother insulted…so I’m going to keep telling this story to everyone I know. And if you were one of those people who read it, and if you care about me, you’d be doing me a favor if you repost this note and make your friends read it too, then ask them to do the same, also feel free to post this note on your blog spots or spaces. I’m not bad mouthing anybody… yet I’m simply narrating what happened and I will not stop until I receive the apology my mother deserves.
Thank you for your time and attention… please keep posting this around…thanks in advance.
Once we arrived, the first shock was when I was told that i cant enter only with these invitations unless i register...so I went for registration only to be told that I have to pay 50 LE per invitation! So i wondered how were these invitations announced as a prize in the first place and what made my attendance special???! Yet, I was embarrassed, especially that I had my mom with me and I really wanted her to attend this event with me as we haven't spent much time together lately... so I didnt create a scene and just paid the full ticket as requested.
We walked in, found no place to sit and nothing special was going on… the rumor about shows being performed every hour was proved to be a marketing myth, and all we found were heavy investments in booths erected by chocolate companies and the only special thing that attracted my attention was the chefs making chocolate statues...yet still nothing worth 100 pounds of tickets.
Anyway, while we were roaming around, "Passionelle" made a public announcement about a special draw to an all paid for trip to Paris...so my mom and I thought why not..let's give it a shot... we went to Passionelle's booth and were greeted by a grumpy pair of Ushers...yet I've done this job too when I was still studying in college and I understand how stressful it can get...so I blamed it on pressure rather than the famous chocolate company's sloppy choice of personnel... to continue, the company announced the first prize to be the Paris trip and the draw was going to continue for 50 other special prizes from Passionelle. There were only 2 coupons remaining with the Ushers and my mom took one of them.
After mom filled out her application, we heard another announcement stating that they will be announcing the winners in a while and directing all the participants to stay seated in a certain ball room where the draw will take place. So we went there and waited, but I realized I was running out of time and had to pick up my daughter from the nursery, so i told mom that I will just run to collect Lamar and she can wait for me to come back while the announcements are being made...she agreed and so I left to pick up my baby and return in a while.
I didnt stay away for long, but when I arrived, I was shocked to find my mother in tears and a couple of the people trying to calm her down and soothe her! and upon asking my mother what happened, she said she was holding receipt no “000596” and during the announcement of the winners her name was called out in the microphone in front of everybody as one of the lucky 50 who won one of “Passionelle’s” 50 special prizes. After the public announcement was made and she was being interviewed by a journalist named “Rania” who was covering the event, and a gentleman named “Ahmed” approached her saying that a certain Ms. “Nashwa” is asking her for the white receipt she was holding. On her part, thinking that this was part of the prize handling procedures, she simply handed over the receipt as requested, finished her interview and even posed for the winner’s group picture as instructed while being congratulated by the booth representative who gave her the application form and another reporter from a fashion magazine called “Easy Life”. Then when it was time to collect her gift, she lined up with the other winners also as instructed only to notice that Ms. Nashwa was lagging in her prize handing over along with a number of other “lucky” winners who were also receiving similar treatment, so she asked this Ms. Nashwa if they will be staying around for long as she has a problem with her leg and cant stand for long periods of time only to be amazed by her reply. She looked her in the eye and I shall quote her exact words….. she said, “ You will come and tell me that you lost your receipt and I will tell you that is not my problem and you cant collect a gift because you lost your receipt”, So she explained to her that this was not true, and tried to remind her of what happened, she ignored her again, so mom called the Mr. Ahmed who came around earlier to take away her receipt and he confirmed her narration, only to find her denying it and saying, “She told me she lost her receipt” !!!! Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine to encounter a similar situation and up to this point, deep down mom believed there was some sort of joke being played, so she went to Passionelle's General Manager, a guy called "Akram" to explain to him what happened and on his part,he directed Ms. Nashwa to give her a prize, and she nodded in acceptance and when he left, Ms. Nashwa turned to mom and said “I will not give you anything”! At that point, mom didn’t care about the prize as this was turning into a situation where an insulted needed to be addressed, so she walked up to the head of the organizing team who called out to a group from “Passionelle” asking them to give her a “complimentary” gift similar to the ones handed over to the 2 girls from the audience who were picked to announce the winners. Meanwhile, mom approached Ms. Nashwa and politely told her it’s not about the prize but she wanted to understand what happened as she knows she took her receipt, again only to have a jaw dropping response, she looked her in the eye and whispered, “You can continue to BARK around as much as you want, nobody will reply to you.”!!!!!!!!!! and walked away while one of passionelle's employees came around to hand my mother the “complimentary” gift. At that moment mom was stunned and speechless as she STILL couldn’t believe what she had just encountered and broke down into tears from humiliation and disbelief! So she gathered whatever was remaining from her dignity and walked up to Passionelle's booth to return the so called “complimentary” gift and told me later that she was greeted by a very polite and well bred young man who told her he was Mr. Akram's son and an organizer named “Hend” who kept trying to soothe her and apologize for what had happened, and that is the scene I walked into. Yet mom just couldn’t calm down after how she was treated and after the humiliating finale to her conversation with Ms. Nashwa.
When the story was narrated to me, I couldn’t believe what I heard and I was stunned by her attitude and her choice of vocabulary, wondering if a company as elite as passionelle can invest this much in erecting a booth at a supposedly international elegant chocolate event, yet would fail to invest the same in the type of caliber it employs to greet the visitors of such an event?! In addition, I know that just by announcing a winner's name in public was enough to prove his identity even if he/she had no receipt, so what happened afterwards is legally a violation! Yet my issue is not the prize, we have returned the complimentary gift they have offered my mom because we don’t need it! The reason I decided to put pen to paper and write this note is because of my disbelief that a strong principle was ruthlessly breached! How does a company's representative have the nerve to speak to someone this way, or act upon her own agenda even after her manager gives her clear instructions? And how was it that easy for her to steal from someone then insult her and walk away unless she knows she can get away with it?! Where is the supervision and the control...I will not even start to wonder what happened to public manners or etiquette or if her superiors keep her on their payroll even though they may be aware of her actions! We have contacted the General Manager and requested a formal apology and I was not surprised when that too was ignored. Yet, I decided I will not let the situation pass without action.
I keep wondering, what makes an international elite event that was known to be successful in every corner of the world turn into a huge disappointment on its first occurrence in Egypt? Who is to blame? the organizers? The representatives? Management? or should I blame our deteriorating value system? This is sad...very very sad, that it has become a trend that we turn gold into sand simply because we have lost our values, ethics, self control and last but not least we are allowed to get away with it.
I may not be able to do much legally from where I stand in this country but I don’t agree to leave my mother insulted…so I’m going to keep telling this story to everyone I know. And if you were one of those people who read it, and if you care about me, you’d be doing me a favor if you repost this note and make your friends read it too, then ask them to do the same, also feel free to post this note on your blog spots or spaces. I’m not bad mouthing anybody… yet I’m simply narrating what happened and I will not stop until I receive the apology my mother deserves.
Thank you for your time and attention… please keep posting this around…thanks in advance.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Denial is not but my favorite sin
Out of the entire self destructive behaviors one can commit against one’s self…. Denial tops the list… and unfortunately we all go through it at a point or another…. Even a life coach like me wasn’t left alone by denial…it chewed at me for months and it grew…simply coz I allowed it to…
I want to tell people, not to follow a mirage… I want to urge u all to stop, disassociate yourself and look down at the matter from above…. God created our brains for a reason… don’t upset him by overlooking the powerfulness he granted you… wish I personally didn’t, but it’s never too late to stand up again… in fact, it’s better late than never, right?
When you get struck by reality after denial, the only outcome becomes pain…and I assure you, the stronger the denial, the heavier the pain… so tell me, what for? For the pleasure of a temporary happiness? or the beauty of a fake picture that mesmerizes you? Snap out of it! Love yourself… give yourself your true value! Nobody and nothing out there deserves having u lie to yourself.
To all those still in denial…wish you a speedy recovery.
I want to tell people, not to follow a mirage… I want to urge u all to stop, disassociate yourself and look down at the matter from above…. God created our brains for a reason… don’t upset him by overlooking the powerfulness he granted you… wish I personally didn’t, but it’s never too late to stand up again… in fact, it’s better late than never, right?
When you get struck by reality after denial, the only outcome becomes pain…and I assure you, the stronger the denial, the heavier the pain… so tell me, what for? For the pleasure of a temporary happiness? or the beauty of a fake picture that mesmerizes you? Snap out of it! Love yourself… give yourself your true value! Nobody and nothing out there deserves having u lie to yourself.
To all those still in denial…wish you a speedy recovery.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Song of the day - vanilla twilight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SjQ0YQYyHc
Beautiful...dedicated to the ones I love and miss so much...happy valentine's day...wish you were here..xo
Vanilla Twilight lyrics
The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Valentine's is here....again.
The 14th of Feb is almost here...people are getting prepared and couples planning all these surprizes...some sucessfully draw a smile on the faces of their beloved...some achieve a masterpiece of disappointment;singles get divided into two major sections, one part envying those in love or drowning in lonely sorrow and another part that goes out there to celebrate with friends, exchanging roses and chocolates, it's a day to celebrate love in all it's forms so why frawn...get out there and party, that's what they say. The bottom line is...valentine's day is almost here...again.
Personally, valentine's day used to excite me whether i was single or taken... right now, i'm not so sure how i feel about valentines... how do u celebrate love when u dont really love anyone that much? I dont mean being in a love relation, but love in its core...be it a friend, a parent, a sibling or a child...? How do you celebrate if you dont really love someone hard enough to celebrate? or what do you do if you love someone more than usual, but that person is not around on valentine's day? maybe will never be around, whether this year, the next or the coming 50 years..? how do u manage to pretend the chocolates taste too good, or the roses smell amazing? what's the trick and how can it be mastered...coz I believe that if I find valentine's day a disappointment, i have no right to transfer that feeling to those who have a reason to celebrate..so i thought who celebrate with...and I went out, bought my little girl a valentine's day gift :)...she's only 2.5 and has no idea what valentine's day is.... but i realized she is the only one I truly want to celebrate with after loosing all those i loved along the way on one way or another.... I guess that is the secret...
It doesnt matter if u r single or hitched...it doesnt matter if you dont have a best friend or if your siblings are spending the day their own way...and it doesnt matter if you were recently abandoned by the love of your life... dont let valentine's depress you, CREATE the love you need to live on that day..make a new friend, adopt a pet or go ski diving just for the sake of doing something new! If u have nobody to recieve love from, GIVE away love, be it through a charity or a visit to an elderly or a sick friend...giving love is just as fulfilling as receiving it... the good thing about love is that it makes people happy even when it's cruel to hearts...
Open your heart...coz you can :) happy valentine's day...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Time to Say Good bye
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbq1ESjMkFQ
For every person that left a mark in my life and had to leave against my will...wish things were different... God Bless
The Enlgish version of the song by Sarah Brightman
For every person that left a mark in my life and had to leave against my will...wish things were different... God Bless
The Enlgish version of the song by Sarah Brightman
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)